the gift of mondays

last year i revealed my struggle with food in this post " i used to have an eating disorder " and it's like it opened up something that i thought i dealt with long ago. apparently i was wrong. the post made me retreat inside myself. worried that i had shared too much. worried that i had labeled myself. worried that maybe i missed those days of wanting to be skinny. wanting. desperately wanting. crazy, self obsessed wanting. it's like satan was knocking at my door again, saying "hey, remember me?" "remember how good it felt?" remember how great it was?" and the realistic me knows it wasn't great. but the past me knows there were glimpses of joy. they were tiny, never lasting, self defeating glimpses. but glimpses none the less. crazy isn't it? to find joy in the middle of our pain. it's a constant battle. every bite. every decision. every time i weigh myself. i'm battling against who i was. i'm battli