life is beyond me

it's Five Minute Friday over at lisajobaker.com and today's writing prompt is "Beyond." take 5 minutes, write without editing or worrying what someone will think, and link up with a community of others who have done the same. i'm doing it and hope you do too. oh, and don't forget to encourage the person who linked up right before you, because that's what this is all about...encouraging people. somehow when you stop to encourage someone else, a little bit of that hope comes right back to you.

beyond

sometimes life is beyond me. sometimes people and what they do are beyond me. sometimes who i've become in the middle of all the chaos is beyond me.

and i get consumed. and overwhelmed. and alone. really alone.

because the darkness of the world, the darkness of me, is beyond what i can understand. beyond what i can comprehend. beyond what i can handle.

and i find myself wondering why i try. why i bother. why i care.

and i wonder if it's worth it.

i wonder if i'm worth it.

and i get lost in the wondering. i get lost in the questioning. i get lost in the battle.

and right in the middle of my occasional darkness, God finds me. always. He always finds me. He always finds a way of letting me know He sees me. He always finds a way of letting me know He hears me. He always finds a way of wrapping His arms around me in such a way that i know that i am not alone.

i am not alone.

and neither are you.

because even when this world, even when this life, is beyond me...is beyond you...

He never is.

i'm the loud one

loud.

that's what they call me. that's what they say i am.

actually they don't have to say anything.

their step back and their stare says it all.

gosh, you're loud. hey lady, you're loud.

i know it. and it doesn't phase me.

because in most parts of my life i'm quiet. sometimes too quiet.

but not here. not at my son's match. not at my son's meet.

here i'm loud. here i'm screaming. here i don't care who sees me.

because i need him to hear me.

i need him to know i'm on his side.

i want him to know he has someone in his corner.

and not just him but all the kids on the team.

i yell for them too.

i'm loud on their behalf.

because i need them to hear me.

i need them to know i'm on their side.

i want them to know someone is in their corner.

and i don't think that happens enough in life.

where we forget how we look for the sake of someone else.

where we purposefully make sure someone knows they are not alone.

and everyone needs a cheerleader. everyone needs to hear encouragement.

and if no one else will do it, i will.

i'll be the loud one for them.

always. 

=======



it's Five Minute Fridays over at http://thegypsymama.com/ and today i'm trying it for the first time. she gives the prompt (today it's the word "loud") and then you write for 5 minutes unedited. it was fun! if you're a blogger, try it too!!!

\
here's the rules....

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back to her blog and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments.