Wednesday, April 13, 2011

i'll never be oprah

for years i wanted to be oprah winfrey. well, not really her, but just like her. i love that she brings people together. she reunites families. she makes people feel good about themselves. i love that she makes people believe in dreaming big dreams. with her it seems like nothing is impossible. barriers are crossed. walls come down. people listen. for years i would dream of us meeting. of us becoming friends. of us saving the world. and then God woke me up. because i was dreaming of something that was more about me than it was about Him.

it wasn't a slow waking up either. it was a quick, water splashed in my face moment. i even wrote it down so that i wouldn't ever forget. "God doesn't need you to be oprah. that's what He made her for. He needs you to be you. that's what He made you for." 

"God needs you to be you." what a revelation. to think that God created me to be me. that He created me to dream my own dreams. to make my own path. that He doesn't expect or want me to be like someone else. that He put inside of me my own gifts. that He gave me my own voice.

but sometimes that seems overwhelming. and hard. and scary. and i'm not a big fan of overwhelming. or hard. or scary. it's so much easier to just follow in someone's footsteps. to take the path well traveled. to take the road everyone else is taking. 

because following a path is easy. but forging a path means work. forging means a lot of clearing out. a lot of rocks to move. a lot of weeds to pull. and i don't mind work but i like to know the outcome. i like to know what the results of my efforts will be. 

the truth is i like to know where i'm going. i like to have a map. heck, i like to hold the map! i'm the one who likes to have a plan. to look up ahead. to see what i'm doing. and God knows that about me. He knows i like to know the rules of a game before i play. and because He knows that about me He forces me to step out of my comfort zone. on purpose. to get me to grow. to get me to stretch my faith. to get me to trust Him.

i'm not always happy about this stretching of faith. i'm not always thrilled to be growing. i'm not always comfortable not getting to hold the map. but the moments when i let go and allow myself to be happy and thrilled and comfortable with where God has put me always seem to be the best moments of my life.

though i used to wish i was just like oprah, i've realized i'll never be her. and that's a good thing. God needs oprah to do her own stretching. so now i'm keeping my eyes on Him. and i'm letting go of the map. and i'm letting Him stretch me into who He needs me to be. because God needs me to be me...and only me...for Him.

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