the gift of mondays

i can't stand when people are rude. it's a trigger for me. it pushes my buttons. it makes my sense of grace fly right out the window. i hate when people think that a sense of being right overrules a sense of being nice. when they feel like the world owes them something. when they think that they're better than someone else. it's a type of arrogance that makes me mad. it makes me see red. it makes me forget i'm a Christian. and the devil knows that. and God knows that. and so the tests keep coming. the rude people come out of the woodwork. my patience wears thin. because the devil wants me to lose my temper. and God wants me to win the fight. and sometimes i do win. but more often i lose. because i don't see the good in people when they're rude. i don't see a child of God when they're being ugly. i don't see the face of Jesus in their arrogance. but then God doesn't see it in me either. not when i

i'm not special. i'm nobody important. i don't have power. or prestige. or fame.  i'm just a regular girl with a regular life. but i have a Bible. and i have a voice. and i have a Word from God that says He is no respecter of persons. what He did for one, He will do for all. and i'm included in that all. i believe in that all. i trust in that all. and so i seek Him. and i knock. and i come before His throne. and i bring others with me. and i lift us up. and i talk with Him. and i give Him thanks. for you. for me. for everything. but i'm not any more special. or any more important. or any more forgiven. than anyone else. i just really want more of Him. for me. and for you. because He's what makes us special. He's what makes us stand out. He's what makes us important. because He is important. to us all.

i'm scared of God. i'm scared of what He needs from me. i'm scared of what He will ask me to do. though i talk with a boldness for Christ, it's not a complete boldness. though i walk with my hand in His, i'm constantly pulling away. it's embarrassing to admit i'm not completely sold out for Christ. it's hard to confess i feel safer in the shadows. but i do. and it's a constant source of struggle for me. there's a part of my heart that longs to throw caution to the wind and step out in faith. real faith. the faith that has you give it all away. the faith that has you live the Gospel. the faith that has you telling God that you will do anything for Him. the faith that is anything but safe. but "anything" has too many questions. anything means uncertainties.  anything is hard. and i'm not sure i can do the hard He might ask me to do. because what if He asks me to