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when people are jerks

when people are jerks i'd like to tell them to take a flying leap.
off the nearest bridge.
into deep water.
that's freezing cold.
and filled with sharks.

when people are jerks i'd like to make them peel a hundred onions.
without taking a break.
or stopping to wipe their nose.
and then push them into a vat of tunafish.
that smells like it rotted last year.

when people are jerks i'd like to tell them to hold their breath.
until they're blue in the face.
and their neck muscles bulge out.
so they look uglier than they're already acting.

when people are jerks i'd like to kick them in the butt.
hard enough for them to fly across the room.
and crash into the wall.
and spill their large and sticky drink down the front of their shirts.

when people are jerks i'd like the world to stop.
and a hall monitor to whistle.
and write them a detention slip.
that puts them in time out.
for like a million years.

when people are jerks i wish the boogie man.
and bed bugs.
and Batman.
would keep them up at night.
boogie-ing them.
and making them itch.
and showing them who's boss.

when people are jerks i wish they'd trip over their feet.
and fall on their face.
and then try to get up.
only to have it happen over and over and over again.
for the entire rest of the month.

when people are jerks i wish they'd have someone treat them
exactly like they treat other people.
only a hundred times worse.
so they see how totally mean.
and nasty.
and terribly rude they really are.

but most of all.
when people are jerks.
i wish.
(i just really wish).
that they would just be nice.


i just wrote this out of the blue when someone was rude to me today. it made me laugh and it made me feel better. my seven year old loves it. and loves me. and my thirteen year old just read it and told me he loves me too. and at the end of the day, that's all that matters. because love and laughter and family overcomes everything in life. even jerks.
happy tuesday!!!

colleen :)

p.s. i don't really wish these things on anyone. except the timeout one. for like a million years of course...


  1. LOL I love this! and I can soo relate!! Finding humor is the best way to get past a difficult situation! Love ya girl!


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