wishing our lives away

sometimes i think i wish my life away.

i wish i was a better mother.

i wish i was a better wife.

i wish i was a better friend.

i wish i was better at playing guitar, at singing beyond the shower, at sticking to an exercise plan.

i wish i was a better writer, a more patient listener, a talented athlete.

i wish my hair was straighter, my nose was smaller, my thighs were thinner.

i wish i didn't have any debt, any regrets or this crazy sweet tooth that won't go away.

crazy wishes. wishful wishes. mostly not attainable wishes. but wishes all the same.

i wish it was next week. i wish it was still the weekend. i wish it was friday.

i wish the summer would get here faster. i wish it was spring break. i wish it was time for vacation.

wishing, wishing, wishing, wishing and as soon as the wish is here, i'm off wishing for something else.

i know i'm not the only one.

people, like me, who without thinking, wish their lives away.

it's so easy to do really.

to think that life would be better if only we were _______ or had _______.

everyone fills in the blanks differently but most everyone has blanks they want to fill.

we wish today was tomorrow or yesterday or next week.

we wish we had a better job, or a better house or a better car.

we wish for more and more and more and better and better and better.

we wish we hadn't said that or done that. or we wish we had said that or done that. our minds are on overdrive second guessing, replaying, redoing our lives.

and in the midst of it all waits God. wondering, hoping, searching for someone who will wish for nothing more than to be with Him. who just wants to thank Him instead of asking for more. who wants to use the very life that doesn't seem good enough, to honor Him.

i wish i was that person.

don't you?

it's not about me

i was reminded today that it's not about me. that my gifts, my talents, my abilities were not given to me by God to prove to the world how good i am. or how much people like me. or how much i fit in

because i don't fit in. not really. and truth be told, i don't want to.

i don't want to be like everyone else. i don't want to be the image of the person next to me. i want to stand out. to make a difference. to make my life count.

when people see me, i don't want them to think i've done anything good on my own. i don't want them to give me credit for what they think i've accomplished in life. i don't want them to see me and not see Him.

His sacrifice. His promises. His love.

that's what changed me. that's what motivates me.

that's who He is.

and that's who i strive to be.

more like Him.

i don't want to die with any doubt that God was the most important thing in my life. i don't want people to see me and not see Him. i don't want them to care more about me at all.

because it's not about me anyway.

it's about Him.