the gift of mondays

sometimes i think i wish my life away. i wish i was a better mother. i wish i was a better wife. i wish i was a better friend. i wish i was better at playing guitar, at singing beyond the shower, at sticking to an exercise plan. i wish i was a better writer, a more patient listener, a talented athlete. i wish my hair was straighter, my nose was smaller, my thighs were thinner. i wish i didn't have any debt, any regrets or this crazy sweet tooth that won't go away. crazy wishes. wishful wishes. mostly not attainable wishes. but wishes all the same. i wish it was next week. i wish it was still the weekend. i wish it was friday. i wish the summer would get here faster. i wish it was spring break. i wish it was time for vacation. wishing, wishing, wishing, wishing and as soon as the wish is here, i'm off wishing for something else. i know i'm not the only one. people, like me, who without thinking, wish their lives away. it's so easy to do re

i was reminded today that it's not about me. that my gifts, my talents, my abilities were not given to me by God to prove to the world how good i am. or how much people like me. or how much i fit in because i don't fit in. not really. and truth be told, i don't want to. i don't want to be like everyone else. i don't want to be the image of the person next to me. i want to stand out. to make a difference. to make my life count. when people see me, i don't want them to think i've done anything good on my own. i don't want them to give me credit for what they think i've accomplished in life. i don't want them to see me and not see Him. His sacrifice. His promises. His love. that's what changed me. that's what motivates me. that's who He is. and that's who i strive to be. more like Him. i don't want to die with any doubt that God was the most important thing in my life. i don't want people to see me and not s