Friday, April 8, 2011

when God whispers

i don't always listen when God whispers. i don't always pay attention to that still small voice that gently urges me in a certain direction. sometimes i don't do it because i'm too busy. or too distracted. or too scared to look foolish. but sometimes i do listen. sometimes, despite my busyness and distractions and fear, i just go and do what God has urged me to do. and as i head off in blind obedience knowing i may never understand why i'm doing it, there's no doubt in my mind that He always does.

it happened to me today. a whisper. a leading. a still small voice telling me to go to a certain place. i didn't know why of course, but at the last second i turned and headed in the opposite direction of my destination. nothing big happened. no obvious reason for my detour. i saw a few friends. gave a few hugs. shared a few laughs and called it a day. mission-although invisible-accomplished.

as i was leaving i saw her. crying amidst the flashing lights and the damaged cars. though people were everywhere she seemed alone. scared. distraught. in the brief moment i saw her i knew. i knew why God had me make the turn. it was for her. it was for this. it was to let her know that in her scariest moment, God was right by her side.

everything in me knew i had to pull over. i've known her since she was little. a bright light inside a beautiful girl. she saw me and broke down. the details of the accident spilled out among the deployed air bags and scattered belongings. the car nose sat wedged in the embankment, broken but safe. and so was she. heartbroken but safe. 

and that's all that mattered. 

cars can be replaced. people can't. and though questions loomed about the loss, praises were given to Him for her life. 

hours later i saw her Facebook status..."He will cover you with His wings; you will be safe in His care; His faithfulness will protect and defend you"...and i smiled. because she got it. she understood. she knew who she belonged to. she knew who saved her.

i got it too. i understood. i know who i belong to. i know who has saved me. and though i don't always listen when He whispers, i thank Him for those moments when i finally do.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

i'm the weird one

i'm often the weird one in a crowd. the one who sees things a little different. i don't try to be that person. i don't try to be the one that doesn't fit in. but the truth is i don't fit in. i always feel different. i always feel like the one who's standing on the outside.

i'm ok with that now. i didn't use to be. i always longed to be the popular one. the pretty one. the one who everyone wanted to know and everyone wanted to be. and i would say or do whatever i had to do to reach that goal. but i had no peace. i had no direction. truly, i had no life because i never enjoyed it. all that time spent trying to be just like everyone else left me wishing i could find out who i was really meant to be.
and then one day i realized i wanted to be different. i wanted to be set apart from the crowd. though it went against everything i had ever wanted, somehow i wanted this more. because the heart that God gave me wouldn't let me settle on being a photocopied version of the person next to me. i couldn't just sit on the sidelines anymore. i couldn't just let good enough for someone else be good enough for me. i wanted more. i expected more. i needed more.

and in needing more i knew i needed God more. i needed more than just a quick prayer in the morning and a tired kneeling before bed at the end of the day. i desired a life that was what everything God needed from me and then some. i wanted to be bold. i wanted to stand out. i wanted to live my life for Him.
but it's not easy. sometimes the part of me that just wants to fit in wins out over the one that desires to be set apart from the world. because being set apart means some people will laugh. being set apart means some people will keep their distance. being set apart means some people will think i'm weird. and the people-pleaser in me hates that part and i go back to my old ways. but i keep trying. i keep picking myself back up when i fall. and i keep believing that God will use my life despite myself.

i love that about God. that He uses people despite themselves. the Bible is full of people who failed terribly and yet God used their lives for a great purpose.

though i'm often the weird one in the crowd i try to make peace with it. because i asked for it. i wanted it. i needed it. and more importantly, God asked for it, and wanted it and needed it from me. normal is overrated anyway. and dull. and boring. i don't want to be normal. i want to be different. i want to be set apart. look at me. i'm the weird one. and i'm ok with that.

Monday, April 4, 2011

i love mondays

people think i'm crazy. they've said so. right to my face. they've laughed. they've rolled their eyes. they've ignored and criticized and complained. they don't want to hear it and yet i say it anyways. i love mondays. 

crazy concept i know. to love a day that so many hate. to embrace the very thing that symbolizes a loss of freedom to so many. but i don't consider it a loss. i don't look at it from a jaded point of view. i see mondays as a gift. a reminder of all that we can be. to me monday is another chance to make it all right. another chance to step out into the dreams we've dreamed for too long. monday means opportunities and fresh starts and new horizons. monday means new beginnings and blank slates where we get to write out the story of our day, of our week, of our life.

though it sounds foreign to some, i made a choice long ago. i choose to find the every every every person.

not always easy of course. or immediate. or even voluntary at times. but i've developed such a habit of searching for the silver lining that i force myself to find it. sometimes grudgingly. sometimes through clenched teeth. sometimes screaming the whole way. but i find it...because i choose to.

one of the greatest stories i ever read was about Joseph in the Bible. betrayed by his brothers. sold into slavery. falsely accused. falsely imprisoned. and YET the Bible says, what satan meant for evil, God was able to use for good.

that story, that concept changed me. God used the very worst moments in Joseph's life and used them to bring about incredible blessings. through every trial, through every problem, even when it looked like everyone was against him, Joseph just kept his eyes on God. he didn't worry, he didn't complain, he didn't give up. he just kept choosing to honor God. and when it looked the worst, God showed His best.  

and i know that if God would do that for Joseph, He'd do it for me. not because i deserve it. not because i'm special. not because i earned it. but because God promised what He has done for one, He will do for all. and when i gave my life to Christ, i became one of the all He was talking about. 

and so i try to overlook the bad and look for the good. i tend to ignore the clouds and look for silver linings. i take something that the world considers bad-like mondays-and turn it into something good. on purpose. because it's my choice. and because quite simply, it's a day that God has made.

people call me crazy but i love mondays. what's stopping you from loving them too?

hApPY mONdaY!!!

Dear younger me: you will never fit in

Dear Younger Me, You will never fit in.  But you will be ok. I know it's hard. Especially when you're young. Especially when you wan...